


Everyone Is Having More Sex Than Agent Ward

by aunt_zelda



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, F/F, F/M, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Open Relationships, Phone Sex, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-26
Updated: 2013-09-26
Packaged: 2017-12-27 16:47:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/981268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aunt_zelda/pseuds/aunt_zelda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what it says on the tin. Agent Ward keeps walking into rooms he shouldn't have, or overhearing things he shouldn't have, and is getting steadily more frustrated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everyone Is Having More Sex Than Agent Ward

**Author's Note:**

> 5 +1 because I was in the mood for something quick and easy. 
> 
> I like the multi pairings. I was surprised that I came out of the pilot shipping a het couple and two ladies, but hey, multiple female characters on a main cast will do that. Huzzah!
> 
> This is how I interpret Agent Ward, if that doesn't match up with how you see him, that's cool. (Keep in mind we've only seen the pilot so far, character interpretations are subject to change in the next few weeks.)

1.

Ward freezes, stock still, in the doorway to the lab. The coffee cup in his hand doesn’t slip, but it’s a near thing.

Fitz and Simmons are on one of the desks. 

Their pants are on the floor. 

Ward turns around and walks away, as silently as he approached. He hears snatches of conversation from the two agents, technobabble he doesn’t bother trying to decipher. Geeky foreplay, no doubt. 

That’s the last thing he needs. Bad enough he’s been assigned to a team, when he prefers to work alone, as a specialist. Now a third of the team is going to be busy analyzing each other rather than samples from the field. Distractions, workplace romances, and emotionally compromising positions: completely unprofessional, not to mention dangerous considering the chemicals in that lab. 

Great. Just … great. 

 

2.

Ward’s quarters are adjacent to Skye’s. Why she’s in a comfy bedroom and not a cell is beyond Ward, but unfortunately that’s not his decision to make. He still hasn’t forgiven her for all the secrets she made him tell, all the humiliating stories he had to recount. Her laughter is still ringing in his ears.

In fact, new noises are currently filling his ears. Ward can hear moans and cries are issuing from the wall between his and Skye’s rooms. And a faint, but distinct, buzzing sound.

Ward groans and pulls a pillow over his head. It’s not enough that he has to live with this woman, and work with her – a blogger with links to terrorists – he has to hear her masturbate too?

This assignment keeps getting worse and worse. 

 

3.

Ward is bringing some files to Coulson, a task he wouldn’t have imagined six months ago. His hands should be holding weapons, not ferrying files like some intern. 

He’s about to knock on the office door when he hears a low moaning sound from inside. Ward hesitates. 

“… been keeping busy in Portland, have you? Just remember, I’m going to punish you for every unshaven college boy you let into your bed while I was away …”

Ward feels his face turn red. This is insane. He isn’t hearing his superior officer talking like this, at work, of all places. This cannot be real.

Coulson chuckles. “… naughty girl … wait one moment …” he raises his voice. “I’m ready for those files, Agent Ward!”

Ward’s eyes widen in shock and horror. Automatically, he opens the door, darts inside, puts the files on Coulson’s desk, and hurries from the room. 

Of course, he sees everything. He’s a specialist, he’s trained to observe every little detail. The relaxed posture of Coulson, his feet up on the desk. His phone cradled between his shoulder and ear. His hands rearranging piles of papers on his desk. He wasn’t even panting, not even flushed, but even from four feet away Ward could hear the woman on the other end of the phone whimpering desperately. 

Ward doesn’t look Coulson in the eye for days. Coulson never confronts him about the phone call. 

 

4.

They’re on a mission in some armpit of the world. Ward has been stuck in a boiling van with Skye and FitzSimmons for three days, and he’s about ready to kill them all and damn the paperwork. 

Finally, finally, they’re about to end the mission and head back to base, where there are showers and air conditioners and space to stretch his legs without coming into contact with scientists or seditionists. 

Agent May hasn’t radioed in yet. 

Ward is starting to … well, not _worry_ , Agent May is more than a capable agent, she’s a legend. But he’s concerned that she hasn’t contacted them by the specified time. 

With some technobabble, they’re able to activate Agent May’s com to get in touch with her. 

“… right there … oh god … harder, you bastard!”

Fitz and Simmons turn identical shades of red. Skye smirks and waggles her eyebrows. 

“… just … ten more … minutes!” Agent May moans, whether to her partner or her fellow agents is unclear. 

Ward turns off the feed. “We’ll contact her later.”

“Yeah, ya think?” Skye’s smirk deepens. 

To Ward’s horror, Fitz and Simmons exchange crumpled bills to each other, muttering about “told you so” and “Russian contact from her days in the field.”

Ward has no idea how to proceed, since Agent May has seniority on him, and he respects her. But hooking up with an old paramour during a mission strikes him as deeply unprofessional. Ward reevaluates his view of Agent May. 

 

5.

At first Ward doesn’t register what he’s just seen. 

Agent Hill exits the shower room at one of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s many bases, clad in a navy blue towel. She’s accompanied by another woman, pale and redheaded. Her companion blushes upon seeing Ward, ducking her head and leaning against Agent Hill. 

Agent Hill puts an arm around her damp shoulders and steers her down the hallway, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

Ward rounds the corner, then stops mid-step, the reality of what he’s just seen dawning on him. 

Is everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D. having more sex than he is? 

 

+1

“So … Grant …” Fitz smiles at him. Grant gets the feeling he’s about to be asked to ‘volunteer’ to test more truth serums. 

“Yes?” he asks, trying to hide his apprehension. 

“We were … wondering …” Fitz blushes a little and nudges Simmons. “You ask him.”

“You’re the one who bloody well wants this! You ask him!” Simmons elbows Fitz in the side.

Ward sighs heavily. “What?” his patience, already worn thin from the past month of working with this new team, is practically non-existent. 

“We were, uh, rather I, was wondering if … if …” Fitz takes a deep breath then babbles “DoYouFancyAShag?”

Ward blinks, deciphering the rapid words. “With … both of you?”

“Oh, sorry, flattered, but no thanks.” Simmons ruffles Fitz’s hair. “He’s the only man for me. I’d be watching, if you’re up for it.”

Grant lets that mull over in his head. “You want to watch me … and him … sh … scr … f … in bed?”

“If you’re up for it.” Simmons nods. 

Fitz looks beyond mortified. Suddenly, his ass-slaps and back thumps make a lot more sense to Ward. 

“Finally!”

They all turn. Skye is standing in the doorway to the break room, a bagel in one hand and a comic book in the other. “Thought you’d never get around to asking Agent Stick Up His Ass.”

“Hey!” Ward snaps.

“Be nice, Skye,” Simmons pleads without much hope for results. 

“I am. You should take them up on it, dude, they’re actually pretty rockin’ in the sack.”

Fitz blushes crimson and stares at his shoes. Simmons smiles warmly and tucks her hair behind her ear bashfully.

“You … they …” Ward stutters. 

“Oh yeah. My first week here? Then Melinda stole me away from them. For a bunch of fascist secret police, ya’ll sure know how to make a girl feel welcome.” Skye sits down on a couch and turns on the tv, ignoring Ward’s silent fuming. 

“She’s just grumpy Melinda wouldn’t do her in the cockpit,” Simmons stage-whispers to Ward.

“Damn right I am!” Skye says, not taking her eyes off the tv. “That would be so hot, but nooooooo, regulaaaaaations …” she rolls her eyes and switches the channel to one of the news stations. Iron Man is giving a press conference. Skye squeals and turns up the volume. 

“Wait, I was your second choice?” Ward blurts out.

Fitz and Simmons exchange awkward looks. 

“Well, we weren’t certain …” Simmons begins.

“You seemed pretty straight to me at first, I didn’t want to upset you …” Fitz adds.

“And Skye was a lot friendlier than you were …” Simmons.

Ward looks at their hopeful, smiling faces. They’re so _young_. So open, and honest. Nothing like the people in bars he’s become accustomed to over the years, anonymous one night stands in hotels and alleys and, on a few embarrassingly quick occasions, the backs of taxi cabs. 

“… sure. Why not.” He’s stuck with this team, this assignment, and these people. When in Rome, and all. Maybe sleeping with Fitz while Simmons watches will endear him to the rest of the team, improve the interpersonal relations somewhat. 

At worst, it’ll be a quick distraction and some much-needed stress relief. At best, it’ll improve his standing among the team. Really, Ward has nothing to lose here. 

So Ward lets Fitz drag him off to a bedroom, Simmons trailing behind and looking like a kid at Christmas. At last, he’s not going to be the odd man out on this team.


End file.
